Transformers 2

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Well the newest Transformers movie, Transformers: Rise of the Fallen (aka Transformers 2) has come and gone from the theaters and will likely be available in DVDs at your favorite video rental service and or DVD store like Best Buy (whichever ones are left since the Great Recession began). But for those who missed it in the theaters and want to know what all the fuss was about, here's a synopsis and my opinion on the movie:

It's been two years since the events chronicled in the original transformers movie. Sam is trying to be a normal kid again and go to college. His girlfriend is still a grease monkey and the Autobots, under the command of Optimus Prime are now fighting to clean up the earth from the last of the Decepticons. Little do they know that the Decepticons have a plan of their own. They are determined to fulfill their original mission to destroy the earth and they've found a new way of accomplishing that objective.

Okay, if you haven't seen the movie and you want to, I'll ask you to stop reading here. First, because I'm going to give away lots of spoilers you likely wouldn't get just from seeing the trailer and secondly because by the time you finish reading this, unless you are a die hard fan, you may not want to see the movie anymore.

First, most of the original cast is back including Shia LeBeouf and Megan Fox. And they definitely do make some smoke on the screen together (and I'm not just talking about things blowing up, but that happens too). Even agent Simmons is back, although he now smears cream cheese for a living in a bagel shop (before heading off to Egypt to battle Decepticons once again).

Now I'm not one to complain, but the writers of this movie seemed to be the epitome of amateur writers, creating a story full of holes and using plot devices that are so bad they make Plan 9 From Outer Space look like a cleverly written movie. First, every single detail the Decepticons need to know, where Megatron is, where the last sliver of the All Spark is, exactly how it's being hidden is transmitted over and open channel by some buffoon from the President's office who is determined to shut down the cooperation program with the Autobots. This is known as the 'As you know Bob' mistake. There is no one this guy is talking to who doesn't know all these things. Even the audience, if we've seen the original movie knows these things, but it's all said so that the Decepticons can conveniently intercept the message. Really guys? I could write a better story than that in my sleep. What do they pay you to make up a plot device that obvious?

Then we get into resurrection. The sliver of the All Spark is stolen and used to revive Megatron. Never mind that the sea pressure where he was dumped was supposed to have crushed his body. The Decepticons in Transformers 2 are now immune to that it would seem. Okay, I'll buy that. But another sliver just happens to turn up at Sam's home (two years later -- yeah, because he never got around to straightening up and never touched his clothing from that day for two years -- way to go writers. Good job). When Optimus is killed however, no one can seem to put two and two together and figure out that the sliver should be able to revive Optimus the same way it revived Megatron. In fact, the second sliver is a pretty useless plot point which is used instead to revive a different transformer, an oldster who used to be a Decepticon but changes sides.

It gets sillier. Like I said, agent Simmons now runs a bagel shop, but also has a super secret stash under the shop where he has all his old high tech equipment and all the super top secret files stored. Uh huh.

Basically, Transformers 2 just fails to deliver on almost every level. Yes, there is another fight to death and yes there are plenty of explosions, but with a plot so weak that a 5 year old could find the flaws in it, you really need to be into those explosions not to be bored by this movie.

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