The Self-Sufficiency Syndrome and What It's Costing

Almost every behavior has an economy to it - Payoffs and Price Tags. We human beings wouldn't continue to repeat a self-defeating behavior if we didn't get something from it, would we?

Of course, the self-defeating behavior that I write about in Help Is Not a Four-Letter Word: Why Doing It All Is Doing You In is The Self-Sufficiency Syndrome. Those of us who live this behavior can't ask for help, do everything all by ourselves, can't delegate because no one else can do it as well, help others all the time but can't ask to have the favor returned, and we're headed to burnout.

So, let's examine the Economy of Self-Sufficiency Syndrome. For all those Pay Offs like admiration, career enhancement and total control, there has been a price you've been paying for them. In workshops and retreats on this subject, I literally have participants put their top Price Tags on small price tags I've provided and wear them around their wrists.

If you've established an image of being able to do it all, all by yourself, you appear to not need anything or anybody. Many around you have put you up high, on a pedestal, where they can look up to you and never insult you by trying to help or support you.

Nancy is a middle-aged woman that came to a workshop I conducted. I passed out a questionnaire that allows you to see just how self-sufficient you are. After the workshop she asked if she could have another to take home to her 16 year old daughter.

The very next week, I received a letter that I have framed and put in my office.

"I went home and before I gave the questionnaire to my daughter, I asked this question, "Do I look like I don't need anyone?" It only took her 10 seconds to say, "Yes, Mom, you don't act like you need ANYONE or ANYTHING!" Then her daughter scored higher as a Self-Sufficient (what I call the person with Self-Sufficiency Syndrome) than her mom.

"What all that did was to start a serious conversation. It will continue and we have changed as a result," her letter said. I cherish that letter, and it makes the point about the price she had been paying for doing it all.

If you've gotten your feelings hurt because no one around you has supported you when you've had a crisis at work or a personal one at home, rethink the strong message you've been sending. And of course, if you broke down and asked for support, I'm sure all those around you would be too shocked to know how to respond.

Think about your Price Tags!
Peggy Collins is a professional speaker, trainer, author and job search coach. She is the author of Help is Not a Four-Letter Word: Why Doing It All Is Doing You In, published by McGraw Hill. For more information, please go to her website, www.helpisnotafourletterword.com, sign up for her free ezine, Help for Working Women, or email her at peggy(at)helpisnotafourletterword.com