Six Steps to Becoming a Super Parent

press on in the directions YOU want to go. If you have any serious issues from the past, be brave enough to seek help and get over them.

2) Recognise you are playing a percentage game. We have all heard of them: the kids from the most abusive, deprived backgrounds who somehow manage to make huge successes of themselves. And the kids from the very best of families (as demonstrated by their siblings) who somehow go off the rails into drugs and crime.

The reality is that you, the parent, are only one factor in your children's upbringing. They are also subject to influence from the friends, other relatives, teachers, shop keepers, TV, magazines and, of course, their own genetic makeup. You cannot control all the variables. You might be the very best, the ultimate parent, and yet your kids turn out as failures. You might be the very worst, alcoholic and abusive parent, and yet your kids do fine. Nothing in life is guaranteed.

So you play the percentages. You know that if you beat your kids, they are more likely to turn out bad than good. So, on average, beating your kids is probably not a good idea. Using fair and consistent discipline probably produces better odds for a successful outcome - so do that instead.

You success as a parent is NOT determined by how well your children turn out. It IS determined by whether you did all you reasonably could to do the right things and make the right decisions for them, WITH THE KNOWLEDGE YOU HAD AT THE TIME. Maybe those decisions turn out to be the wrong ones. So be it. That does not mean you failed as a parent. But, if you were too lazy to get the facts, if you just took the easiest decision without thinking about the impact on your children, then, I believe, you have failed - even if it turns out that the decision was the right one!

3) Recognise your children are not the only things in your life. In this day and age we seem to be obsessed with the idea that the interests of the children come first, before anything else. I strongly disagree with that concept. Yes, me must consider the best interests of the child, but there are other things to consider too.

It may be, for instance, that taking a new job in a different city might be the best thing for your family - even if it means taking your child away from his school and friends.

By putting children first in everything we run the danger of creating a selfish, "me first" generation where they grow up believing that the world owes them a living. Sometimes children have to take second place - and that in itself is an important lesson about life. Yes, before making any decision consider its impact on the children. But, in the end, make up your own mind as to what would be best for the family as a whole.

4) Look to the long term. Raising children is a long drawn- out process. Have your long-term goals in mind. How do you want them to turn out as adults? What qualities and skills do they need to learn? What experiences do they need, along the way, to learn those skills and character traits?

Many times as parents we are faced with the choice of taking an easy, short-term quick fix, or a harder approach that will bear much more fruit in the long term. The TV is such a classic example of this. How easy is it, when the kids are playing up, to just switch on the TV as the electronic babysitter? A quick fix for the immediate hassle or rowdy kids. But how much better, in the long run, to spend a bit of time teaching them how to build a model, or sew a soft toy, or put together a jigsaw?

5) Look for the positives. Like you, your children will make mistakes. Forgive them. Correct them gently and move on. Always be looking for what they did right, not what they did wrong. Children crave their parents' attention. Pay attention to what they do wrong, and they will do more of it. Pay attention to what they do right, and they will be eager to please you more.

6) Stick to your guns. Believe in yourself. If you are doing all the above, then you are well on the right track. There will be times when you make decisions and you get challenged on them, either by your children, or by others (such as interfering relatives). Unless there genuinely are new facts that you weren't aware of before, don't be swayed.

And don't be afraid to say no - to your children and your relatives - if that is the right thing to say.

Sure, your decision may turn out to be a bad one. That happens. Hindsight is 20-20. But far better to stick to your decision, than to be a plastic bag blowing about in the breeze. You children are watching you; watching how you deal with life, how you make decisions, how you cope with adversity, how you believe in yourself and stand up for yourself and your family. Be a good example for them.

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