Why don't Lions do Keep-Fit exercises
By: John Blenkin | Posted: 25th October 2005
Why don't Lions do Keep-Fit Exercises?
According to web pages the African lioness in season coaxes her mate forty to fifty times a day for a week to get herself pregnant! This means mating male lions are super fit. Yet has anyone seen male lions doing physical exercises? No! Perhaps they have a secret system our aging humans could use?
Although humans have more success than animals dominating their environment we are becoming less physically fit. As our life expectancy rises we ought to spend these years comfortably but not in wheel chairs.
Huge sums of money are invested annually in human fitness programs. The cost and variety of these is endless. They overcome every condition the human body can possibly get itself into to make us fitter longer. To get us hooked the keep-fit industry constantly warns us about the dangers of being unfit.
Consequently there will be no let up from this pressure. There is too much money at stake for the industry to let this annual multi-billion dollar trade slip away. We support this by sticking to our unhealthy life styles to stop the demand.
Lions don't have our problem.
Whatever it is Joe Lion does to keep-fit works for him! Consider his average working day. He prefers to sleep but the lioness' behinds continually throb. Their instinct aches for pregnancy. They have taunted Old Joe all day long but now it's feeding time. Old Joe is laid out in the Savannah grass. He must now be got up to do his part to hunt the dinner.
Joe's older girls giggle in their snarling way. Mabel yells:
'Get Old Joe the old ba-aastad up now!'
The two youngest lionesses known as the family trollops skid to either side of Old Joe and secret whisper unlady like suggestions down among the fleas into his ear.
The older girls come up and heave Old Joe on to his creaking legs. Mabel's temper rises:
'Are you still asleep Old Joe? You're all ready and pointed down-wind towards the dinner so just stand there between them two trollops. Count to eighty-one and then roar like the old fool you are.'
The trollops play with knackered out Old Joe as he gathers his wits. Mabel says:
'Are you listening when I'm talking to you?' Joe racked his neck round trying to focus.
Mabel turned and nodded to the others. She led them down-wind in slow files either side of the grazing Wildebeest. The older girls stalk with concerned ease into position then sink into the grass their eyes glinting between the seed tips.
Mabel waits - fearing a sloppy kill! Her belly rumbles.
'Bet that Joe's stuck on that seventy-nine again! If those two trollops have let him fall asleep again and are still fondling him...he'll be in no condition for tomorrow morning's duties!' She senses the Wildebeest stir further down-wind.
Far behind Mabel hears Old Joe wheeze a sort of loud throaty airy gasp - the Wildebeest stop chewing. Mabel freezes. They wait! Finally Old Joe's belly roar comes loud over the herd which suddenly stampedes down-wind in clouds of dust. The older girls now sprinting on the flanks hone in on Mabel's mark. They bring it down. Kill it and with bloodied muzzles begin to tear the palpitating flesh and chomp the carcass bones.
Poor Old Joe staggers up at last and coughing collapses down among the family and bloody chaos to take his fill.
Mabel looks up. She licks her lips and says:
'You managed to count up to eighty this time Joe but I'll swear as long as you live you'll never make it to eighty-one as you used to in the old days. Joe!' She added: 'You're an Old Ba-aastad!'
Old Joe smiled. His days and nights were spent just being a lion true to his nature. No more no less. This was enough for him to renew his flaccid parts to carry out his responsibilities to his two young trollops his older girls and Mabel.
We too must find our way to feel as good in our work and play -just like Old Joe Lion.
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Tags: sums of money, roar, physical exercises, human body, instinct, wheel chairs, fitness programs, life expectancy, fleas, feeding time, older girls, eighty one