Obama Claus To The Rescue

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As I was walking through Wal-Mart the other day I couldn't help but notice that the holiday season is upon us. Unfortunately, for many people this year Christmas will not be the same. And by that I mean that since Obama was elected President, to the poor, the crooks, criminals, people in Congress, (but I repeat myself) the needy, illegal aliens, CEO's of large corporations, and every other sort of victimy type person, every day is now Christmas. If you are looking for a handout then Obama is a more welcome site that any fat guy dressed in a red outfit at Christmas time could ever be.

It is a much sadder story for some children though. Obama Claus will only be visiting the houses of children who have a household income of less than $250,000. The only thing those evil rich kids will get is a letter from Obama's Christmas Czar telling them they have to share all of their gifts with all the less fortunate children.

Obama gives people more hope for free money and stuff than the Nigerian businessman who just wrote you an e-mail telling you he wants to give you 20% of his fortune just for helping you get his money into the country and "it's all very legal" just give your bank account information so he can deposit the money (wink, wink.) Somehow I 'm feeling more trusting of the Nigerian businessman and more hopeful that he'll be able to deliver on his promise.

I can just imagine Obama Claus sitting in his chair at the mall at Christmas time with the line of children waiting to see him. A young CEO is first in line. He walks up to Obama Claus and sits on his lap:

Obama Claus: What would you like for Christmas little boy?

Young CEO: All I want for Christmas is for my company to flourish despite my mismanagement and greed.

Obama Claus: Ho, ho, ho, what a noble little boy you are. (He points to his elves, played by Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid) Give this wonderful lad a check for a billion dollars, but only if he promises a big donation to my re-election campaign. (The two elves drool and fall over each other as they rush to comply with Obama Claus's every wish.)

Next in line is a young Hillary Clinton, who rushes up to sit on his lap:

Obama Claus: Hey, little girl you're going to have to move a little bit, your pants suit got caught on my belt buckle. (She moves to make him happy, at least for the time being, until she gets what she really wants.) So, anyway, what do you want for Christmas?

Young Hillary: Oh, I just want to be President.

Obama Claus: (looking to his elves) Give this kid the same thing we'll be giving the people from FOX News. (He pushes her off his lap.)

Next is a young conservative Republican. Hopefully, he rushes up to Obama Claus, who holds up his hand, motioning for him to stop.

Obama Claus: (Coldly to his elves) This kid gets the "pull the plug" type healthcare for Christmas. Next!

A young Joe Biden runs up to Obama Claus to sit in his lap.

Obama Claus: (To his elves) Do I know this kid from somewhere? He looks familiar. (They shrug their shoulders.) (To the kid) Anyway, what do you want?

Young Joe: I just want you to acknowledge that I exist.

Obama Claus: I gotta go now. (He ignores the kid and stands up dumping young Joe to the ground.) (He waves to all the other kids in line waiting for their promise of "hope and change") Sorry, I don't have time for you guys I have to get back to the White House so I can write my acceptance speech for my next Nobel Peace Prize, while also planning the next phase of the war in Afghanistan.

For my taste, I'll continue believing in the real Santa Claus.


Steve Yeich is a humor writer with over 25 years of experience. He has written jokes for numerous comedians who have performed on the Las Vegas strip, most notably Jay Leno and Joan Rivers. He has done various forms of script writing including for movies and TV. He has also written over 100 TV and radio commercials. To see more of his articles go to http://darnfunnyonline.com

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