How To Win Friends and Influence People

Copyright (c) 2011 Scott F Paradis

We would like to think people have changed, we have evolved. We're more sophisticated, intelligent, and magnanimous then people used to be, but we'd be wrong. Though technology has advanced and society become more complex, human nature is still, well, human nature. We yearn for validation and we crave success, yet most of us fail to master the basic interpersonal skills needed to realize either. We will never achieve our desires nor fulfill our potential until we learn to effectively deal with people. Recognizing this truth, Dale Carnegie offers in "How To Win Friends and Influence People" simple, workable tenets for success.

Carnegie draws on the winning tactics of great political leaders, captains of industry and aspiring upstarts applying proven approaches to difficult circumstances. "How To Win Friends and Influence People", a priceless classic, is more than a textbook on human relations, it's a personal guide to winning in politics, in business, in life.

In four parts Dale illustrates the fundamentals of handling people, recommends ways to earn people's trust, counsels how to influence others to accept new perspectives, and defines the essentials of enduring leadership. His presentation strategy is simple: define a basic tenet and illustrate the power of that precept through relevant real world examples. Dale hammers the point home that successful human relations are in no way manipulative. To thrive with people you must be genuine and guided by pure motives. Every social exchange is a win - win opportunity.

Part one outlines three fundamental principles for handling people: be positive, offer heartfelt approval and leverage desire. Dale suggests, "...criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home." Don't condemn, criticize or complain. These are tactics to puff up your own ego.

Emerson once said, "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him." Every person craves praise and every person deserves validation. So give honest and sincere appreciation.

And finally, employ the ultimate motive: focus on what others want and show them how to get it. Leverage their desires as desire is the first cause of all action. The world is full of self-seeking people, an enormous advantage goes to the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others.

Part two highlights the keys to garnering attention and winning affection. These are akin to the skills we learn in kindergarten but often by neglect or force of habit forget to use. Demonstrate genuine care for, respect of, and interest in other people. Smile. Learn and use names. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Focus on the other person's interests and listen actively. By expressing genuine interest in others you sincerely demonstrate the value you place on them.

Part three offers tried and true tactics for shaping encounters and redirecting exchanges to achieve favorable results. These techniques, which work as well influencing children as they do resolving international disputes, are essential for success at home and in business. Always remain positive. Find common ground. Work toward mutually beneficial outcomes. Admit when you are ill-informed or wrong. Seek first to understand the other person's position then use that knowledge and perspective to shape the outcome. Use emotion and nobler motives to help the other person arrive, on their own, at the optimum solution.

The concluding section presents guidelines on how to change people's attitudes and behaviors, in a word - lead. The fundamentals apply here too: begin with praise, don't criticize or condemn, respect the other's motives and leverage their needs and desires to achieve amicable ends. Ask and inquire as opposed to directing and ordering. Encourage and use positive reinforcement. Show the others how the solutions you are aiming at are best for you all. People cannot be forced to change, they can however change themselves.

"How To Win Friends and Influence People" is a treasure trove. The principles collected in this one volume are the essentials an individual needs not only to succeed in a career but to be happy in life. Dale Carnegie believed his purpose was to help people overcome their fears and develop courage. By winning friends and influencing people you do just that. You express yourself, you excel, you win and in so doing you prove your worth.


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Scott F. Paradis, author of "Promise and Potential: A Life of Wisdom, Courage, Strength and Will" http://www.promiseandpotential.com publishes "Insights" available for free at http://www.c-achieve.com