Do You Need Anger Management or Aggression Management?

When we think of anger we typically think of the actions we see on the surface - for example, one's body tenses, one may yell, throw things or become violent. However, this is actually more of a definition of aggression than anger. Anger and aggression are not the same thing.

This is an important distinction because you can be angry without being aggressive. Looking back on your own experiences you will no doubt find times where you became angry and dealt with it in a non-aggressive way (e.g. resisting the urge to hit your boss because you would lose your job). Most people who need anger management classes are actually in need of aggression management classes.

Viewed from a purely functional perspective anger is a protective response to a perceived hurt or threat. Think about it, have you ever gotten mad about something that on some level did not feel threatening to you? Someone cuts you off, someone tells you to do something you don't want to do, a loved one says or does something that feels controlling or just plain mean. All of these situations can be experienced as threatening. And when threatened, our instinct is to protect ourselves or something very bad could happen to us.

Anger by itself is a warning sign that something bad is happening or could happen. You can respond two ways to anger: you can use it as a warning sign and proceed cautiously or you can become aggressive.


The choice of how you react to people or situations lies within you. If our anger truly was effective people or situations would change and we wouldn't keep getting angry at them. We can't control other people, The only thing that you can control is how we deal with and express our anger. And you can control and channel it into ways that will actually make you look like a hero instead of someone who is ranting.

Anger needs to be released. It takes an enormous amount of energy to hold anger inside, which may cause fatigue, boredom, and physical illness. If you release your anger properly, you may find that you develop healthier relationships. Positive use of anger can also build self-esteem. If you are able to tell someone your feelings instead of keeping them inside, you are saying to the world, "I am a valuable person and I expect to be treated as such."

The problem for most people who need anger management courses is that they let their anger control them rather than the other way around. Instead of using it as a tool they lose control and veer into aggression.


Because of this, most anger management classes should probably be called something like "Aggression Management" or "How to Express your Anger in an Assertive Fashion" rather than Anger Management.

The goal of an anger management class is not to make anger go away, that's impossible. Rather the goal of anger management classes should be to deal with anger in different ways; ways that will leave us truly empowered instead of with the temporary illusion of power that aggression may provide us.

An example of a positive expression of anger
You have a friend that is constantly late. This is very upsetting to you, but you do saying anything? No, you just begin to make excuses not to see your friend. You may lose a valuable friendship. If you are able to tell your friend that being late is difficult for you and makes you feel unimportant, she may decide that she values your honesty, apologizes, and begins to arrive on time. This interaction may facilitate a closer relationship with your friend. Now its true that she may also may get angry at you or ignore you. People have their own agendas and the only thing you have control over is how you respond to it. Some people just want to be mad to make themselves feel strong or that they are right. Don't fall for this false display of power. Use your head and know that, tempting as it may be, responding aggressively to someone who is baiting you means that they win. Stay cool and in the end you will come out on top.

When Anger Becomes Aggression
Lets take alook at what I mean when I am talking about aggressive behavior.
* Deliberate intent to harm, attack, injure, hurt or control
* Actions that harm or hurt others (e.g. hitting, shoving, punching, using words to belittle) or oneself (e.g. punching the wall, destroying something important to you).
* Starting fights or arguments
* Being pushy
* Bullying
* Dangerous driving (aka road rage)
* Making threats
* Making insultsVisit AngerManagement.net for anger management courses designed to make the most of your valuable time and money. What separates this course from others you may have taken is that we are going to cover anger from all angles - what I call "The Four Horsemen of Anger." Visit online today.