behavior to friends, family and teachers. Has your child's antics been any
worse than our leading politicians? Probably not. Imagine the spinmeisters
on talk shows who try to get their politicians elected. Do the same for your
child.
2. Coach your child to name and feel ok with all their emotions. Kids act
bad when they are mad, sad or ?scared?. When you coach your child to tell
you what she feels, her bad behavior will heal.
3. Look inside yourself. Sometimes kids act out unexpressed conflicts of
their parents. Are you struggling with depression, anxiety, rage? Get help
for yourself and your kids will shape up.
4. Think of yourself as a coach. Your job is to coach your child to success
in social, emotional and educational settings. Sometimes the answer is
practice, practice, practice. Don't get discouraged if you have to repeat
yourself over and over again.
5. Ask yourself: ?If my child's most frustrating behavior was meant to teach
me something, what would it be?? Many parents find themselves half
distressed and half impressed at their child's indifference to people
pleasing. Sometimes this is just the lesson parents need to learn in their
own lives -- many parents have become imbalanced in attending too much to
seeking approval from others.
6. Forget about the competition. Your child can still strive to be
outstanding without it being about comparisons to other children. ADHD and
spirited children are sensitive to tension produced by parents'
competitiveness and the fear based motivation inhibits them.
7. Keep Yourself Alive! It takes a lot of energy to keep up with ADHD and
spirited kids. You need to become your own energy source. Feed your own
passions. If you are married, work to increase your intimacy with your
partner. If you are single, keep your own love life alive.
8. Honor the kernel of self-reliance in all acts of defiance. Every time
your child doesn't do what you asked them to do, ask them for an
explanation. Honor their independent thinking and consider what part of it
you may want to incorporate into your discipline. Continue to insist that
your child respect your rules while demonstrating respect for their own
rhythm and logic.
9. Practice preventative medicine. Many times children's bad behavior is a
misguided attempt to get some precious attention. Fuel your child up with
the highest octane energy you can early in the day. Spend a few minutes
being entirely present with your child. Look them in the eyes, touch them
lovingly and listen closely to your child. This intense presence will give
them what they need and head off desperate pleas for attention. Sometimes
just a few minutes will prevent large energy draining hassles.
10. Connect with your child's teacher. Research has shown over many decades
that your child's educational outcomes are very closely linked with how much
the teacher likes your child and how much they expect from your child. This
is why you need to advocate for your child at the same time as you connect
with your child's teacher. Show enormous respect for your child's teachers
and try to forge a close alliance with him or her. They will go the extra
mile for your child.