Why Men Cheat

Men do not by nature tend toward monogamy. Recent headlines bear this out as true. Men have to exercise conscious restraint to be sexually faithful to one partner. Not to say that women hold undisputed title to sexual fidelity, but overall they 'cheat' less than men.

And while the ratio of men to women cheaters may not be as lopsided as most believe, given the way the deck is stacked, women deserve credit for being as loyal as they are. Let me explain.

Women normally get propositioned directly far more often than do men. That is to say women are presented more opportunities to fool around on their partners than are men. Lots of women get 'hit on' on a daily basis and handle it in a variety of ways. Lots of men too get the 'come on' but are, more so than women, prone to stray.

Reasons for this are varied and have to do with how the two sexes view sex. The old saying 'Women need a reason to have sex, men need a place', is pretty much spot on. It's irrefutable that men are far more aggressive sexually than are women. In this aspect we are more or less in line with the rest of nature.

In the animal world the males usually engage in direct competition for mating rights. These rivalries run the gamut from displaying the most ostentatious tail plumage as with the peacock, to fighting to the death as some large predators often do.

The male 'humanimal' must also compete for the right and opportunity to pass along his genetic line. And while the pea hen may be swayed to her lover for the sole reason he has the biggest tail plumage, the human female is not limited to this one-dimensional decision making process. She has to consider factors such as earning power, IQ, family medical history, financial portfolio etc.

To be sure, human hens are, like their animal counter parts, attracted to the biggest, tallest and most powerful men. No real surprise in that. But such men attract lots of women, and lots of men consider it a badge of honor to have sex with as many women as possible even when they enjoy the blessings of a faithful and loyal wife.

I know married men my age (56) and older who still prowl on a daily basis for new sex partners. These men consider every woman they meet, whether married, dating or single, to be a potential sex partner.

And it doesn't matter who the woman is or what her relationship to him may be. It can be one of his friends' girlfriend or wife, a friend or acquaintance of his wife's, or his sister-in-law; on either side.
Testosterone demands that he prove his virility all over again.

And while no tryst occurs without two participants (at the least), most 'first moves' are made by the man. And while women can easily lead a man on, a real man can handle situations like this and resist temptation if he really cherishes his marriage.

And speaking of marriage, I was taught an important lesson in recent years by two former friends. Both are married. One has a lovely and gracious wife and two daughters, 18 and 21. The other also has a lovely and gracious wife who is unfortunately a barren woman, unable to carry a fetus past the first month or two.

I learned that the first of these ex-friends was involved in a long-standing adulterous relationship from the time I first met him and his wife. When I recently discovered his extra-marital affair, I thought it somewhat schizophrenic that he would say 'grace' over all of his meals. He never goes to church, but he prays over his food and cheats on his wife. Go figure.

The second former friend is quite a character. His wife of over 26 years discovered six months after their wedding that he had a newborn son with another woman. She chose to stay married to him. Now, after all those years together, he has a 6 year old little girl with another woman. His wife does not know about this second child.

The lesson that these two 'men' taught me is this. If you don't value the most sacred of all relationships, that of matrimony, no other relationship will have any true value to you.

This is true for women too. Given the power women possess in the sexual arena it is truly a breach of sisterly trust when one woman goes after a man she knows to be married. He's another woman's husband, and she should respect that. If he approaches her with an offer of "afternoon delight" she should kindly ask him what his wife would think if she knew he was propositioning her.

The real reason that most of the men who regularly cheat on their wives do so is at bottom merely an ego thing; pure and simple selfishness.

They're convinced that they have the right to have the cake and eat it too. Many are also convinced they are God's gift to women. I asked one of the aforementioned jerks how he would feel if he found out his wife was also being unfaithful.

'Somebody's gonna get a serious #%@-kicking', was his reply.

What will forever amaze me though is this. Why do so many women stay with these types of narcissistic low-lifes? I can't imagine any sex ever being that good. All meaningful relationships are based on mutual respect, trust and honesty. If any one of these three elements is missing, the other two are in serious doubt.

Frankly speaking, when a person repeatedly commits adultery, they have broken something that can't be fixed.