Fat Americans

According to a report released Monday by the Surgeon General's office, 67 percent of U.S. citizens have gigantic fat asses, with that number projected to climb significantly in the next decade.

Wellness Watch

Wellness Watch

The report is the latest in a string of dire findings from Surgeon General David Satcher concerning the high percentage of Americans who suffer from fatness of butts.

"The state of the American derriere has reached crisis proportions," Satcher said. "Without immediate steps to rectify this problem, we can only foresee even more hideously huge backsides as we continue to blimp out into the 21st century."

The strongly worded report, in which Americans are alternately described as "porkers," "wide loads," and "friggin' whales," attributes the fat asses primarily to poor eating habits, with diets heavy on sugar, starches, and saturated fats. It also cites Americans' lack of exercise and sedentary lifestyles as factors in the trend toward "huge bucket-butts."
A few reasons stand out. Americans eat more fat - especially hydrogenated fat, polyunsaturated fat, and butter fat. They eat more sugar and artificial sweeteners than any other people on earth. Americans also experience more episodes of acute hunger each day than any other people on earth - many people eat 11 times a day. Americans also consume less fiber than any other nation. Americans consume less omega-3, an essential fatty acid, than any other nation. And Americans do less physical work per day than any other nation. We ride more and walk less than other people. Could it be this combination that is fattening up Americans? Perhaps the cause is not just one factor, but a combination of factors. Is America's romance with fabricated foods killing her by degrees?

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