How to Communicate with Anyone – Whether you Like them or Not

Have you ever felt you were communicating clearly but the other person just didn't ‘get you'? Let's say only spoke English and you were in a foreign country like Japan where they only spoke Japanese. How effective would you be? Now suppose you refuse to learn Japanese and just kept speaking English. How frustrated do you think you would be? Now suppose you didn't even realize they were speaking a foreign language but actually thought they were speaking bad English. That is exactly what is occurring thousands of times a day in all our communications.

Individual human behavior basically boils down into one of four basic styles. Now, the jury is still out on how personality is determined and what is changeable and what isn't, so I don't want to get into a long discussion about what causes personality—or character. Let's just focus on the four basic types and divide them into pairs based on their opposite nature. Yes, that's what I said. There are people out there who are just plain different from you! The trick in creating rapport and communication with people who are unlike you is to recognize their character and then adapt to it, so they feel comfortable and you can get your point across.

Let's look first at two styles that definitely rub each other the wrong way and have the potential for lots of misunderstanding and conflict: The Entertainers and the Professors.

Let's look first at the Entertainers.
Entertainers love action, movement, emotional involvement, and parties. They talk fast, are lively and laugh a lot. They dislike rules, structure, authority, and even budgets.

Entertainers are not very disciplined, even though they are natural leaders and self starters. These people love to buy things yet are not good at keeping track of their money and do not budget. They like to be special. Offer them the opportunity to help them with their ideas and they will be right there with you.

The Entertainer doesn't like a lot of data. In fact, much of what they do doesn't make sense—even to them! They tend to follow their gut sense about things and trust their hunches and intuition, rather than reason things out. They can win big and they can lose miserably. It's all part of the drama of life for them and is completely contrary to their polar opposite, The Professor.

Professors love to think and analyze. They love to explain concepts and ideas to themselves and to others. Understanding and explaining processes is what drives this style. They like organization, respect, structure, detail, and things being on an even keel. They are slow and systematic.

Professors are the opposite of the Entertainers and the two can really get on each other's nerves. Professors hate noise and being last minute. They dislike wasted time, being pushed, surprises, spontaneity, being imprecise, and being disorganized. They like to ask questions about processes and love to understand how things are done. They are into doing things properly.

Unfortunately, Professors don't like to make decisions. They have an inherent fear of doing it wrong because of their desire to be objective and weigh all the facts, so they make decisions very slowly, if at all. They are always looking for more data to make sure their decision is right. They are often not expressive of their feelings and are very precise and accurate when they communicate.

When a Professor encounters an Entertainer in a sales situation, watch out! They distrust the natural enthusiasm and exaggeration typical of Entertainers. They don't trust what they can't evaluate as accurate and will tend to see the Entertainer as dishonest and without integrity. From the Entertainer's point of view, however, talking in generalities is preferred because what is most important is how enthusiastic about it they are, rather than the precise and accurate details about it.

You will often not be able to tell that Professors are angry because they won't tell you or show it. This is also true of the Angel (below). Consequently, the Professor may tend to create pet resentments and become critical in nature.

If you want to get a Professor into your camp you will need to provide them with data and details because they want everything to make sense.

Now, let's examine the other two opposites: The Captains and the Angels.

First, let's talk about the Captains of the world. These people usually like organization, challenge, competition, money, position or authority, winning, and being decisive. They don't like dishonesty, tardiness, procrastination, laziness, cheaters, or boring things.

You can usually find them in positions of leadership, where integrity and persistence are important values. This type of person can become impatient and judgmental because they want it their way and expect people to live up to their potentials.

The best way to get along with this style is to give them control and then challenge them along the way. But remember—do not tell them how to get it done. See, these people know how to get it done…their way. So, appeal to their ego. Give them power, authority and direct answers. Support their goals but just tell them what needs to be done and watch them work their magic.

Next, let's look at the Angels

These people crave affection, peace, and approval. They usually talk more slow-paced, dislike conflict, unfaithfulness, and deadlines. They are relationship oriented.

If you need a friend, find an Angel. They are flexible and supportive and will be loyal and kind. This type of person can be easily abused because they are afraid to say no. They are motivated by your relationship with them. Be their friend using encouragement and approval. Be sincere and support their feelings.

These two groups-the Captains and the Angels are on opposite sides of the quadrant matrix. Oddly enough, many times these two types will get involved in romantic relationships with each other and without emotional balance, there can be a potential for domestic violence in these relationships.

Imagine if these two people work together. There will be a tremendous potential for miscommunication and distrust. If the Captain speaks first, he would get to the point and ask, "Where are we with the project?"

The Angel type would get upset because he thinks that the Captain doesn't care about him. But, what if the reverse happens and the Angel speaks first? The Angel will say "how are you doing and what did you do over the weekend?"

The Captain would get frustrated with this because he just wants to get to the point and feels the relationship stuff is a distraction. This inherent conflict in styles leads to a downward spiral of communication. Each person is upset and angry with the other because each one assumes intentions on the other person's part that aren't even there!

To learn more about your CharacterStyle and how you can become more effective when communicating, please take your free online personality test at www.CharacterStyles.com.

My book CharacterStyles can show you how you can double or triple your sales if you are in professional selling or simply increase the harmony around you and increase your effectiveness in getting what you want. You could even get other people to be glad they are giving you what you want!