"What you say becomes your reality."
Now, she didn't say exactly that, so let me tell you how it happened…
All week I was feeling extremely sluggish, probably because I just started a new workout plan that has me at the gym at 5 o'clock in the morning. I must have been complaining a lot ("I'm so-o-o-o-o-o tired.") because at one point my daughter stopped me and said, "Gosh Mom, you're always tired."
From that point on, I became very aware of how often I said, or wanted to say, "I'm so-o-o-o-o-o tired." It was embarrassing! I'd allowed my entire week to be consumed by this feeling, which had become a habit, of being tired. I couldn't help but wonder how my week might have improved had I focused my words in a more positive manner.
And that's the lesson. Your words have tremendous power over you. To the point that how you feel will typically be a reflection of the words you habitually use. This is because you have a unique ability to bring what you imagine, or say, into reality. So, if you are constantly focused on the negative aspects of your work/life, then your reality will be negative.
Do any of these statements sound familiar?
"I never have enough time."
"I'm too busy!"
"I can't have a flexible work schedule with my job."
I've personally spoken these words many times and then wondered why I was so desperately stuck in a place of total work/life imbalance. Without much thought you probably speak these negative words into your work/life every day too and feel just as stuck as I did.
You can get un-stuck through a simple three-step process I've adapted from 'The Feeling Good Handbook' by David Burns, M.D.:
Step One. Become Aware of Your Automatic Thoughts
In the next 24-48 hours I want you to carry a small notepad every where you go. Begin to record the words that you seem to be repeating over and over again, whether you say it out loud or just think it. Record every automatic thought.
Step Two. Identify the Distortions
Many times your thinking is really a distortion of reality. When you say, "I never have enough time" it feels 100% true, but the reality could be that you do have time and it's just not being managed well. Other distortions include, overgeneralization, discounting the positives, jumping to conclusions and magnifying or minimizing a situation.
Step Three. Develop a Rational Response
Substitute your automatic thought with a rational response. For example, you may shift from saying, "My life is so overwhelming" to "I've got a lot on my plate and I'm going to ask for some help." Now, it's important to notice that I'm asking you to "respond," not "react;" it's an essential piece of this process. Many working moms end up using reaction-driven words, rather than response-driven ones, simply because of the pressure to get things done. The key is to pause, become aware of your thoughts and notice any distortions you've created.
Creating harmony in your work/life is possible when you reframe the words you use in a way that creates the reality you want. So start practicing this three-step process today and before long your work/life will be exactly how you say it is.
(To read more about 'The Feeling Good Handbook' by David Burns, MD, click here: http://snipurl.com/v9yi)
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Michele Dortch is the founder of The Integrated Mother, a nationwide coaching and personal development company providing work+life solutions for working mothers, and their employers. Visit www.worklifemakeoverkit.com to sign up for free a Work+Life Makeover Kit.