In our beautiful and serene barn setting in April of this year, a group of amazing individuals gathered together to learn. One story in particular seems worthy of sharing, as it, I believe, demonstrates the amazing abilities of our equine friends in helping us heal.
As Dan stepped through the portal of change (the gates of the arena), his declaration was to fill the empty space in his heart, and to feel whole again. His chosen partner was to be a 4-year old Morgan, Quarter horse cross named Delia*. Standing only 14.2 hands high, Dan was easily able to see over the top of Delia. The horse/human connection began immediately with Delia moving herself quickly into Dan’s space. She proceeded to rub herself all over him in what I perceived as an aggressive manner. This continued for many minutes as Dan steadied himself and allowed the rubbing to continue. Soon his jacket was covered with her buckskin hair and his jacket had, in fact, changed colour. The next thing that happened caused some in the audience to catch their breath, and my equine specialist to leap out of her chair and approach me with her concerns. In the process of Equine Co-facilitated Learning, timeouts for safety are strongly encouraged. Delia was literally chewing on Dan’s hand, and I could feel the strength of her jaws as she was grinding her teeth. All the while and this went on for some time, Dan just stood there smiling. Finally at one point, he removed his hand, and yes, there was a small break in the skin and extreme redness. Delia went back to rubbing herself on Dan’s jacket. I then asked Dan to step towards the outside of the arena structure, and to share his learning, as well as invite the interpretations of those watching.
While Dan got into his “story”, ignoring his red and somewhat swollen hand, he spoke of how much he thought Delia loved him and that she was just expressing her affection for him. At that point Delia moved over to me and pushed her head into my arm several times. I connected with her at the heart level and asked her what she wanted. She said the lesson was not over and that Dan needed to come back and work with her. The same dance was repeated, and this time after a few minutes, I interrupted. The role of the facilitator is a balancing act, insert yourself too soon and disrupt the process, wait too long and the learning may be lost.
I asked Dan if he was noticing how hard Delia was pushing herself into him and what that felt like? Did it remind him of anything in his life? As he stood with a smile on his face, I asked what congruency might be missing in him. What might your learning partner want to teach you? Where in your life is love painful? Where are your boundaries about what is acceptable to you? Who pushes you past the point of conscious awareness? Delia is teaching you something, what is it for you?
Dan then approached the edge of the arena and spoke of the pain in his heart, something that he had been unable to let go of. A relationship required closure, and he had been unable to walk through the pain. The smile on his face was replaced with the tears of sadness, and Delia walked over and placed her head on his shoulder, licking and chewing (a sign of releasing), and waited as he cried for the ending of something precious in his life that he was now willing to face. Through his partner and teacher, Delia, a 4 year old horse, he had been able to create a new congruency within himself as he began his “dance of healing.” Dan declared his action to go forward and have a conversation that would allow him to fill the space in his heart, and to feel whole again.
Dan called me several weeks later to say he finally “got” what Delia was trying to teach him. He had the difficult conversation with his previous partner, moved to a place of peace and acceptance, and finally was able to move forward in his life.
*This is a true story, however, the names have been changed to honour confidentially and privacy.
Dancing with Horses, Delia’s Story©. This article may not be published, reproduced or distributed without the express written permission of the author.