He always makes me laugh- laugh at the most mundane and simple things. He had an uncanny ability to make matters lighter or pleasantly appealing. Of us two, I was the serious and quiet person while he was the crazy one. He would tease me to the point that I want to hit him with a pan, and then apologize in the sweetest manner. I know he is up-to something when I see his loop-sided smile. A smile that accentuated the dimples on the left corners of his mouth.

Every morning, he would urge me to wake up to cook his breakfast as he prepares for the office. I found such activity daunting at first, you see, I usually work until wee hours at night, writing reviews of various literary works. But as the months and years go by, I started enjoying our morning ‘ritual’. Now I could give anything to cook him breakfast again.

I was married to him for 15 years. We had two children- Patrick and Rafael. Our relationship was not all laughs. We had our fair share of quarrels and conflicts. There also came a point that we actually considered getting a divorce.

He died last November 9, 2005. He was on his way home, when suddenly one tire exploded and he lost control.

I was shattered… Too appalled to react, too numb to cry. I really could not believe it. I am having difficulty understanding the incident until now. But indeed he is gone. I try to be as strong and unaffected as I can for my sons. I know they need me very much. I cannot afford to act weak and mournful in front of them.

But sometimes, the pain is too potent and strong that I breakdown.

Three years after that event, I struggle to provide for the needs of my sons. Rarely have I the time to socialize. I do keep contact with my dear friends but find no opportunity meeting new people.

Widows.com provides an excellent avenue for us to share our thoughts, meet people undergoing the same hardships; and offer mutual comfort. With Widows.com, I do not feel so alone and sad, especially whenever I miss his loop-sided smile.