By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited"
Why do good people - church-goers, pillars of the community, the
salt of the earth - ignore abuse and neglect, even when it is on
their doorstep and in their proverbial backyard (for instance, in
hospitals, orphanages, shelters, prisons, and the like)?
I. Lack of Clear Definition
Perhaps because the word "abuse" is so ill-defined and so open to
culture-bound interpretation.
We should distinguish functional abuse from the sadistic variety.
The former is calculated to ensure outcomes or to punish
transgressors. It is measured, impersonal, efficient, and
disinterested.
The latter - the sadistic variety - fulfils the emotional needs of
the perpetrator.
This distinction is often blurred. People feel uncertain and,
therefore, reluctant to intervene. "The authorities know best" -
they lie to themselves.
II. Avoiding the Unpleasant
People, good people, tend to avert their eyes from certain
institutions which deal with anomalies and pain, death and illness -
the unsavory aspects of life which no one likes to be reminded of.
Like poor relatives, these institutions and events inside them are
ignored and shunned.
III. The Common Guilt
Moreover, even good people abuse others habitually. Abusive conduct
is so widespread that no one is exempt. Ours is a narcissistic -
and, therefore, abusive - civilization.
People who find themselves caught up in anomic states - for
instance, soldiers in war, nurses in hospitals, managers in
corporations, parents or spouses in disintegrating families, or
incarcerated inmates - tend to feel helpless and alienated. They
experience a partial or total loss of control.
They are rendered vulnerable, powerless, and defenseless by events
and circumstances beyond their influence.
Abuse amounts to exerting an absolute and all-pervasive domination
of the victim's existence. It is a coping strategy employed by the
abuser who wishes to reassert control over his life and, thus, to re-
establish his mastery and superiority. By subjugating the victim -
he regains his self-confidence and regulate his sense of self-worth.
IV. Abuse as Catharsis
Even perfectly "normal" and good people (witness the events in the
Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq) channel their negative emotions - pent up
aggression, humiliation, rage, envy, diffuse hatred - and displace
them.
The victims of abuse become symbols of everything that's wrong in
the abuser's life and the situation he finds himself caught in. The
act of abuse amounts to misplaced and violent venting.
V. The Wish to Conform and Belong - The Ethics of Peer Pressure
Many "good people" perpetrate heinous acts - or refrain from
criticizing or opposing evil - out of a wish to conform. Abusing
others is their way of demonstrating obsequious obeisance to
authority, group affiliation, colleagueship, and adherence to the
same ethical code of conduct and common values. They bask in the
praise that is heaped on them by their superiors, fellow workers,
associates, team mates, or collaborators.
Their need to belong is so strong that it overpowers ethical, moral,
or legal considerations. They remain silent in the face of neglect,
abuse, and atrocities because they feel insecure and they derive
their identity almost entirely from the group.
Abuse rarely occurs where it does not have the sanction and blessing
of the authorities, whether local or national. A permissive
environment is sine qua non. The more abnormal the circumstances,
the less normative the milieu, the further the scene of the crime is
from public scrutiny - the more is egregious abuse likely to occur.
This acquiescence is especially true in totalitarian societies where
the use of physical force to discipline or eliminate dissent is an
acceptable practice. But, unfortunately, it is also rampant in
democratic societies.
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AUTHOR BIO (must be included with the article)
Sam Vaknin ( http://samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant
Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West
Lost the East. He served as a columnist for Central Europe Review,
PopMatters, Bellaonline, and eBookWeb, a United Press International
(UPI) Senior Business Correspondent, and the editor of mental health
and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and
Suite101.
Until recently, he served as the Economic Advisor to the Government
of Macedonia.
Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com