Relationships are like plants. They need to be nurtured with love, care and understanding. You need to work at learning the skills needed to make it grow healthily. If you do not take the time to do the maintenance will find a once rewarding relationship will wilt and die.
Good communication is the foundation stone of any healthy relationship. But there must also be lashings of mutual respect and commitment to each other.
You must learn to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, even if they are unpleasant. Very often the fear of offending your partner makes you keep quiet, and you choose to suffer in silence. Not only doing an injustice to you but also sowing the insidious seeds of unhappiness and mistrust.
Learning to trust each other is essential. When you confide in your partner you trust them to give you an honest helpful response. Sometimes the response will need to be tempered with forgiveness and understanding. You also trust them not to be deceitful or manipulative in the way they behave with you or others.
Do not brush unpleasant issues under the carpet. Deal with them. If you have done something wrong, let your partner know. Be prepared to discuss it with them in an honest forthright manner. Resolve the issue together. Once you come clean you may find it is not be as problematic as you think. Honesty dealt with in a tender manner will strengthen your trust of each other.
Being a part of the 'couple' should not affect the sense of oneself. Establishing boundaries where needed helps to maintain a balanced relationship and allows each to become fulfilled. Keep your own hobbies and pastimes but remember to share an interest in what your partner does as well.
You are 2 separate entities with often-differing likes, dislikes, traits and interest. Respecting and allowing for these differences is essential for reducing conflict.
Every partner expects something from the other. But the expectations must be realistic and achievable. If both partners understand that neither of them is perfect and accept each other just as they are it will help them enjoy an equitably and contented life together.
There are three stages in every relationship.
The first is attraction. When you are first attracted to a person you want to know more about them. You long for their company and find thinking about them occupies most of your day. Eventually you gather courage to make your first move, asking if they will accompany you to a movie, dance or dinner. Both partners often feel shy, embarrassed and awkward. However the overwhelming feeling is wonderfully intense and indescribable and is unique to newfound love.
The second is the "testing" stage. This is the stage when the relationship starts blooming. You develop affection for your partner. You are both learning more about each other. If you hide your emotions or are deceitful in any way at this stage, then you can be sure that you are building weak foundations. The relationship any well seem to flourish for a while but that weakness will undermine all that is good in the relationship and it will fail.
The third is the conflict stage. As the relationship progresses and you have been together some time there will be conflicts and disagreements. Those who are able to handle these conflicts with trust and equanimity will be able to keep the relationship going where others would simply flounder. Because you have been together for a long time you may well feel your partner takes you for granted or that you are in a rut. The positive side of that coin is you are in a comfortable relationship were you have mutual respect for each other. It may not have the zest and excitement of a new relationship but you have learned to live in contentment with each other. This really is a fine achievement worthy of praise. It has the reward of a long lasting loving relationship that can only be coveted.
Allow your partner just to be human not some super-person who you expect must always get it right. If you allow them that courtesy they might then do the same for you!
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Stay Well Stay Happy
John