There are many reasons that people get divorced. It could be there is abuse, lying, they "fell out of love" or my favorite, adultery. If you are reading this then you probably have been cheated on. It may be the main cause of the break up of your marriage or it may not be, but it is one of the most horrible feelings in the world, right? Well, the good news is that no matter how much you think that your ex is a jerk or how much you think you may have contributed to the cheating, it isn't your fault that they cheated. You don't need to change as much as they do!

I'm quite confident that if you caught your mate cheating, it's highly likely he (she) shielded himself from looking "wrong". There may have been an apology, but there always seems to be rationale for the cheating. Individuals who are not faithful frequently are very selfish and self-centered. They probably have a really good reason why it's your fault. You weren't around enough. You weren't affectionate enough. You didn't give them sex enough. No matter what reason they provide, they can't make you think they never had a choice because they did. You weren't doing something that they wanted you to do, so it gave them permission to cheat. Well that is absolutely incorrect.

While I believe that no person is ever completely to blame, everyone is responsible for their own actions and the words that come out of their mouth. It doesn't matter if you hadn't had sex with your spouse in five years, cheating is never okay. It is your spouse's responsibility as your husband to come to your first. We each have the ability to choose to do right or to commit error, and they chose the worst one.

This is where it would be healthy for you to do some reflecting. Were there signs of infidelity that I over looked? Did I choose to ignore it? You could look at their side forever, but you would be best served if you asked yourself some questions about you, like "What kind of person did I agree to marry?"? Probably a selfish person that you thought you could change. That is always a mistake. You can't change someone. It doesn't matter how hard you try. If someone is inherently selfish, they probably always will be. Make this a huge learning lesson in your life. Next time you are dating and trying to get to know someone, look for similar clues. Did they commit adultery before? If they are a lot like your ex, it's probably not a good thing since you aren't married anymore. Trust your instincts. If the person you're with is intolerable, then YOU change, and then you move to the next good thing.


------

Len Stauffenger's parents taught him life's simple wisdom. As a divorced dad, he wanted to share that simple wisdom with his girls. "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," his book, is the solution. Len is an author, a Success Coach and an Attorney. http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com