Listening is
an important skill in communication.  It needs to be honed and practised to be
truly effective. Most people have listening blocks.  By becoming aware of these
blocks you can begin to remove them by practice and replace them with attentive
listening. 

Mind Reading

A mind reader
doesn’t pay much attention to what people say and tend to distrust it.  A mind
reader tries to work out what the other person is really thinking and feeling. 
For example, a mind reader might think, “she says she wants to go to the show,
but I think she’s tired and really wants to relax instead.  She might not like
it if I pushed her when she doesn’t really want to go.  The mind reader pays
more attention to intonations and subtle clues rather than the actual words
spoken in the effort to see the underlying truth.  A mind reader tends to make
assumptions and judgements about how people react to them.  These notions come
from intuition and hunches but have little to do with what the person is
actually saying. 

Filtering

Filtering is
when you listen to some things and not to others.  You pay enough attention to
see if someone is angry or upset or if you’re in emotional danger.  When a
person is satisfied that the communication contains none of those things, they
let their mind wander.  People also filter to avoid hearing negative or critical
things.

Judging

If you pre
judge someone as being stupid or unqualified you don’t pay attention to what
they say.  Negative labels have enormous power.  You have already written them
off.  A basic rule of listening is that judgements should only be made after you
have heard and evaluated the content of the message. 

Sparring

The sparring
block causes you to argue and debate with people.  The other person never feels
heard because you are so quick to disagree.  Your focus is finding things to
disagree with.  You take strong stands and are very clear about your opinions
and preferences.  The best way to avoid sparring is to repeat back and
acknowledge what you’re heard.  Look for one thing you might agree with.

The Put Down

The put down
is a type of sparring.  You use sarcasm or demeaning remarks to dismiss the
other person’s point of view.  The put down is the standard block in many
marriages.  Another type of sparring is discounting.  Discounting is used by
people who can’t stand compliments.  “Oh I didn’t do anything...it’s nice of you
to say, but it’s really not very good.”  Discounting is a technique that runs
yourself down when you get a compliment.  The other person doesn’t feel
satisfied that you really heard the appreciation and they are right, you
didn’t. 

Your effective
communication skills tool box needs to include good listening skills. Listening
is essential for effective communication. The listening blocks mentioned are
barriers to good listening. Awareness of these listening blocks, is the first
important step to improve listening skills, and create mutual understanding in
communication.  Distracting and destructive thought patterns, such as in these
examples, can be barriers to good listening. By developing good listening skills
you will see great improvements in your ability to communicate