Your family is your first and most influential bond. What you learn from them colors the the way you see yourself and the world. As a child, your physical helplessness makes you dependent on the people closest to you for survival. Too often those relationships are destructive instead of supportive. The family you join already has tendencies: patterns, beliefs, and attitudes which they expect you to share. Going along gets you what you need, so you adapt to fit in. But when you ignore your instincts, you don't feel right. You create the opposite of what you intend.
The good news is you don't have to be a victim of your upbringing. Although people or events in your past can crush your self-esteem, confuse you, and wreck your relationships, the distortion of your natural instincts can be reversed. Your problems can show you what you don't want and inspire you to go after what you'd rather have, so you can set yourself free to become the person you want to be and building a life you love.
This doesn't necessarily mean getting along better with your relatives. You make peace with the past by treating difficult situations, thoughts, and feelings as opportunities to unravel the knots in your heart and mind that keep you from realizing your dreams. You create a new future by drawing on your innate wisdom to help you overcome obstacles and achieve your goals. When you do your best, you tap into a power that's been within you all along, in even the worst circumstances, even when you weren't aware of it.
No matter what happens, trust that what you go through will enlighten you. Don't be discouraged. The most important thing is dedication to trying new things and learning from your experience. Change doesn't happen overnight it comes little by little, more and more, deepening your ability to love, create, and make a difference personally and in society.
So how do you go about doing this? Here are ten ways to spark change in your life and relationships:
1. SET A NEW COURSE
Following your heart
This new course is first an internal one, which paves the way for the external changes. What happens in your life is largely up to you. If you're not satisfied with your life as it is, start by imagining how it can get better. Make it a priority to figure out how to create what you want. Do what uplifts you. Let yourself feel excited about your possibilities. Take time every day to think about how you'd like your life to be. What you dedicate yourself to, you can create.
2. TRUST YOUR INTUITION
Opening to inner wisdom
Listen for that still small voice inside. Within you is a guidance system that commicates through your ideas and emotions. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Have good intentions. Rely on your own sense of what's right. Stand your ground. Believe in yourself in the face of criticism. Integrity is doing what you think is best in each moment.
3. LOOK FOR A SILVER LINING
Improving your attitude
How things appear is affected by how you look at them. Search for the positive. Negative interpretations dull your energy and ability to cope. Spirit underlies everything, regardless of whether you interpret something as good or bad. You already have inside you the resources for building a good life. You just have to learn how to use them.
4. TAKE A STEP BACK
Getting a bigger picture
Be on the lookout for destructive habitual patterns. Noticing is the first step to breaking them. Don't fight them, just observe your thoughts and feelings. The deeper you can go, the more you unravel the stuck places in your heart and mind. Bring spirit into the process by inviting metaphysical help in any form that works for you. Be influenced by others' opinions only if they inspire you. You don't have to convince anyone of your right to have your life as you want it.
5. WATCH WHAT YOU SAY
Communicating effectively
Be kind. Tell the truth. Say good things. Be aware of your effect on others. Make things right. Know when to shut up or decline to answer. Don't assume you're being understood. Don't interrupt. Choose your battles. Watch what you listen to. Allow different points of view. Don't brag, one-up, pretend you're something you're not, or congratulate yourself too much. Don't think of yourself as better than most. Don't give advice unless you're asked. Don't gossip. Don't assume you're being understood-- check it out.
6. DON'T KEEP SCORE
Setting your own standards
Life isn't about success or failure. Although both teach valuable lessons, fulfilling your potential is the essential goal. Adversity can build strength. If a dream sours, let it go without judgment or remorse. Assume it's no longer relevant, and look for new options. Accepting change brings peace of mind. Even a losing battle can be a stepping-stone to a better situation.
7. NO VICTIMS, NO VILLAINS
Taking responsibility
Relationships are like jigsaw puzzles. All the pieces fit together to create the whole. You are not responsible for anyone else, nor are they for you. You're not required to betray yourself for anyone else's sake, so there's no guilt, no blame, no shame. Holding a grudge drains your energy. If someone hurts you, look for what you can learn from it. You may never forget, but letting go of resentment is healing. This goes double for forgiving yourself.
8. MEDITATE AND TREAT YOURSELF WELL
Nurturing yourself
Make time to have fun and enjoy life. Laugh. Believe in your dreams. Celebrate your successes, big and small. Take walks in nature. Spend time alone. Exercise, rest and eat when you need to, and drink lots of water. Meditation calms your conscious thinking mind so you can get in touch with your inner wisdom. Count your breaths, or silently repeat a soothing word or phrase like "peace" or "well-being". Imagine a light shining through you, easing your emotional and physical pain. Even ten minutes a day can make a difference.
9. GET OUTSIDE HELP
Seeing beyond your blind spots
It helps to talk about your feelings, no matter how embarrassing, strange or awful they seem to you. An objective outsider can help you clear up confusion and set your creative energy free. Get counseling, either by yourself or with family members. Don't expect The Answer, but serve yourself a smorgasbord of possibilities to take or leave as you like. Examine both sides of any issue. Don't follow advice blindly. Explore what makes sense to you.
10. MOVE ON
Graduating to living fully
Respect your own boundaries. Your first commitment should be to yourself. If you're not there for yourself, you can't be there for anyone else. Live your own truth, be honorable, and intend the best for everyone, including yourself. You have no control over what anyone else feels or thinks, no matter how much you care, or how badly you think they need it. Do what you can, and do your best, but not at your own expense. When conflict arises, working things through can be healing when there's mutual respect, but if you feel hopeless, scapegoated, threatened or frantic, retreat may be the only appropriate choice, at least for the moment. It's perfectly all right to let relationships fade if they don't suit you any more. To leave your mark on future generations, pass along what you learn.
I wish you healing, faith and the courage to make your dreams come true.