Looking through trauma is like being trapped in the back of a mirror, there is no reflection of self. It is like being trapped in darkness, unable to see where to go or what is there, surrounded by "not knowing", paralyzed by fear.
When we are wounded in life, our story is disrupted and life becomes fragmented. We may not be able to find our way forward and may start to see life through warped mirrors.
Part of the problem in healing our lives after a trauma is being able to put all the parts together again from a new place rather than the old, which we "lived" at the time of the event. I use to think of my life like the story book fable "Humpty Dumpty" who fell off the wall, all the kings horses and the kings men couldn't put him back together again. This can be difficult when a loved one is taken from us for whatever reason, we don't want to go on with our own lives, but, somehow, we must. To survive we must get back into life. How do we begin?
By returning to that place we all need to heal, deep within us, resting for a while in order for our spirit to be restored, to find our place and recover our purpose in this life. We have to trust that we will be cared for until we can walk again. Our ancestors watch and wait patiently for our return. They are like the clouds that roll through the sky coming to greet us and shed tears for our wounds, holding us within a teardrop, soothed and bathed in the bright light of life.
To recover, it cannot be done alone, we need others around us in order for our wounds begin to heal. As an example, when my parents died, after much thought of how I was going to move forward, I remember thinking, on the day of their tragic deaths, I lost my country, a place I can no longer return, because it does not exist. And I needed to create my own country, design and build my future.
We may not always have control over what happens to us in life, but we do have control over making our lives better if we truly believe and have the will to live.
To live without spirit is to sleep without dreams and wake to oblivion.
As the Holiday season approaches, really try to get out of the house. Don't be around anyone that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you are a church member and have stayed away since the trauma, only return when and if you are ready. Maybe even go to a new church where no one knows you or your pain. Try doing an activity in memory of the loved one you lost. Consider volunteering at a shelter during the holidays and bringing joy to complete strangers. Returning to life is just as difficult as being part of it, do so at your own pace.
Susan Murphy-Milano is the author of 2 books, "Moving Out, Moving On" when a relationship goes wrong and "Defending Our Lives" getting away from domestic violence & staying safe. www.movingoutmovingon.com/bookinfo.html or email direct at Kindlivingpress@aol.com