In April 2010, the sequel "Why Did I Get Married Too?" by Tyler Perry should have all married couples asking themselves the same question.
I pretty much ask myself that question daily. On the good days, I look at him and say, "That's my man. He's loving, gorgeous, and I love him." On other days, I look at him and say, "Why am I still married to you? You get on my nerves, we can't seem to get along, and I don't like you."
I met my prince charming in June 1992. After a couple years of dating, he seemed to be everything I wanted in a man - tall, dark, and handsome. We were married in May 1996 and I thought, "I am married to the love of my life." Then the honeymoon came and went quickly, very quickly.
Many arguments and fights ensued over the next couple years until we separated in 2001. Although something was telling me that I didn't want to be with him anymore, he still had my heart. Pride was telling me to leave and that I could do better, I could find someone better… I'm a nice looking person, educated, fun to be with, friendly. What happened to the man I thought I married; had he changed?
The truth of the matter was he hadn't changed. He possessed those same qualities I'd fallen in love with. It was those characteristics I'd focused on during our four-year courtship. Sure, I'd caught little glimpses of his temper, that tiny hint of meanness, and we'd had our share of arguing, but I'd forgotten about all that in the months leading up to our wedding day. I began to realize that my perception of him before we were married was different because I'd focused on the good in him. After we got married, the rosy glasses came off.
I began focusing on all his flaws. That is when I started asking myself why in the world I'd ever married him. But each day brought new flare-ups, and as each ‘bad' day became etched in my mind, it became bigger than any of the long-forgotten ‘good' days.
After we separated, I looked back over our relationship, the good and bad. Yes, we had two beautiful daughters, a lovely home and life and part of me still loved him (a little bit). What happened? Did he change on me? My mind was constantly searching for answers. The problem was, the questions I was asking myself were all about him. Then I started questioning us: Did we outgrow one another? Did we not know each other very well before we got married? Then, the questions turned to me: Did I do this? Did I do that?
What I realized was that I needed to be the change I wanted to see in my marriage. It occurred to me that my mouth which cursed him out daily, needed to bless him instead. My constant judging and condemning needed to stop and be replaced by encouraging and uplifting him. I stopped focusing on the negative aspects of our marriage and started focusing on the good. Once I started making these small changes, my marriage got better.
So, why did I get married? It was because of all the same reasons when he asked me. The question now is why do I stay married? It's because I made a promise, a vow, to Lewis and God that I'd stick with him until death, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. No matter what challenges our marriage faces, I'm in it for the long haul.
So, why did you get married?
© 2010 by Jewell R. Powell, author of award winning book "Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith." Visit us at www.marriage101.us
Occupation: author , motivational speaker, marriage coach
Jewell has made it her mission to help married couples, especially those who are having trouble in their marriages. She believes that, with effort and God’s grace, couples can have a “happily ever after” marriage.
Lewis and Jewell pledged their love until death before a host of family and friends on May 4, 1996. Immediately, they started having problems, one of which was infertility. Within four years, they found themselves sleeping in separate bedrooms, not liking one another very much, and estranged as a couple. Now, they have found their way back to one another and are stronger and more committed than ever to having a strong, satisfying, and faithful marriage.
Jewell Powell was born in Atlantic City, New Jersey. When she was four years old, her mother and father moved to Maryland and shortly thereafter divorced. Jewell met her Prince Charming in July of 1992. Both were aware of the statistics concerning marriage and came from families with divorced parents and siblings. Nevertheless, they were in love and ready. They did seek pre-marital counseling for approximately three months and determined they would be fine. After they got married, Lewis stop going to church, while Jewel remained a faithful, active member.
The author of Marriage 101 and the Marriage 101 Workbook found herself separated from her husband after four years of marriage and on a spiritual journey. She quickly found out that marriage was nothing like the fairytale books she read as a child. Her faith had her searching for answers. Why would God create a union in which a man and a woman could not get along? More importantly, why would He want us to stay with that person until death do us part, yet have us be so miserable and at odds? Why were so many, including herself, heading towards divorce? The questions were ongoing, and so were the answers. As she found answers to her questions in the Bible, she decided to write a book to help others.
Marriage 101, which is written as a parable from the fairytale Sleeping Beauty, allows readers to become more familiar with God’s plan for marriage. Jewell discusses His principles for bringing about positive change in your marriage through the use of clear biblical and practical guidance.
She also shares intimate details about her personal experience of fighting through an unhappy period in her own marriage and teaches how to build a healthy, happy, satisfying relationship with your spouse. Jewell soon discovered that the book was not enough. She needed and wanted to do more for couples. She decided to write a workbook that would benefit those going through what she calls a “wilderness” period (the Bible shows that many biblical personalities, even Jesus, were tested—in most cases in the wilderness—by the enemy). Jewell's mission was born. The workbook offers additional lessons and techniques that can be used to help individuals work on themselves while allowing God to work on their mates. The Marriage 101 Workbook provides examples that allow readers to enact change in their marriages through faith in God’s Word. This wonderful companion to Marriage 101 shows you how to live and love by faith and will transform your life.
Jewell accepted the Lord Jesus Christ in 1980 at the age of 14. She and Lewis are members of the Way of Life church, located in Waldorf, MD. She graduated from VCMI Ministerial Training School in July 2003 and is currently a student at Regent University, School of Divinity.
Jewell and Lewis started the “Happily Ever After” Marriage Ministry. Lewis, who gave his life to Christ at the tender age of 10, is the CEO of Antiok Holdings, Inc., a small minority 8(a) firm headquartered in Southern Maryland. Antiok Holdings, Inc. is an emerging full service engineering management/consulting firm. They have two daughters, Lauren and Diamond. Jewell and Lewis are devoted to having a satisfying and fulfilling marriage and to helping other couples do the same.
Author RSS Views:
Print this article
Ask about this article