Easier Said Than Done
Creating safety for yourself no matter where you go and no matter who you talk to is NO walk through the flower patch. It’s tough. Sometimes we get intimidated. Sometimes we get impatient and contribute to others’ lack of safety. Then we “protect” ourselves by becoming flustered or by arguing. Talking with confidence is a worthy goal however and is definitely worth giving up a few old habits.
Tip #1: Create Safety with Standards
In general (at least in the United States) it seems there is a trend toward more tolerance towards people and ideas alike. However, there is also a trend towards ambiguity, and complacent agreement to two opposing sides. A popular name for this trend is fence sitting. The ironic part of becoming a fence sitter is that you are actually less safe than when you take a stand. (Imagine sitting on a fence between two armies at war with one another). No one can agree with everyone and no one can say that everyone is making good decisions because some people are certainly making bad decisions.
However, you can find real safety (or at least start working towards it) by creating a standard for yourself. Your standard should be based on solid unchanging principles that you believe in standing up for. These principles shouldn’t be likely to change. For instance, if the first axiom of your standard is that you will be honest all of the time and with everyone, then it is unlikely you will ever find a reason to dispute such a goal. As you create an unchanging standard and live by it you will be able to begin talking with confidence.
Your road or journey of talking with confidence begins with your standards.
Tip #2: Create Safety by Being Kind to Yourself
When you have the temptation to put yourself down, don’t. Think of good things about yourself and move on with life. Always tell yourself you can be a better you without dwelling on your faults. At the same time, when you recognize you have faults you have to be tough enough to leave them behind especially if you want to really start improving and talking with confidence. When you leave faults behind you can continue talking with more confidence. When you can be kind to yourself you will be a little bit further along the road of talking with confidence.
Tip #3: Create Safety by Surrounding Yourself with Positive People
There are enough negative people and negative situations in the world to get even the normally cheerful personalities depressed. Try to seek out friends and acquaintances who smile, who laugh, who have a good time, who love to be with people. You will find that their good humor is contagious, healthy and invigorating, not to mention that making friends with the friendly will also help you feel safe, loved and ready to begin talking with confidence.
Tip #4: Create Safety by Reading Good Books
When you read good, positive books, you have more to talk about and less time to think about the woes and complaints of your life. You will be a more interesting conversationalist and will likely develop qualities of sincere empathy and understanding—qualities that will help you assist others in feeling safe themselves. Talking with confidence is accentuated by an intelligent and ductile mind as well as an understanding heart.
Tip #5: Create Safety by Never Giving Up on Yourself
I heard a tip on the John Tesh radio show (B98.7)1. Tesh mentioned several characteristics of successful people (and I would add confident and happy people) and one of those characteristics was that they are “plodders.” In other words, they go little by little and step by step and they DO NOT get discouraged. If you want to start talking with confidence, then you need to be a “plodder” and realize that talking with confidence might be a goal that takes a while to accomplish but that you are willing to go step by step and week after week with a positive outlook and an endurance that can’t be beat.
1 I believe B98.7 has its headquarters in Salt Lake City, Utah.