When I woke up this morning I just didn't feel like jumping into my normal activities of surfing traffic exchanges, posting articles, developing sites, and so forth. So, as I sipped my coffee, I gave some objective thought to the business of Internet Marketing. Being a fan of Jeff Foxworthy, I started writing out some of the more comical aspects of Internet Marketing in his famous "You might be....." style.
This exercise provided a wonderful relief from the normal chaotic nature of being an Internet Marketer. I want to share these with those of you who are reading this article. I hope it provides you a few good laughs. So, in my best Jeff Foxworth voice,
YOU MIGHT BE AN INTERNET MARKETER IF.......
1) You are familiar with names such as Mike Filsane, Gary Ambrose, Joe Vitale and Mark Widawer, but you think Barack Obama is a type of sushi
2) You have more email addresses than silverware
3) You are considering replacing your office chair with a port-a-johnny because going to the bathroom takes away too much valuable computer time
4) You are actually able to convince people that they will make more money by reading emails at 3-cents a pop than getting a part-time job at a convience store
5) You manage to get visitors to your splash page to believe that the mansion, sports car, swimming pool and yatch displayed on your page actually belong to you
6) Words and phrases such as niche, matrix, double opt-in, and AdSense roll off your tongue effortlessly, but you occasionally struggle to remember the names of your kids
7) You consider 1:00am a reasonable time for lunch
8) You believe spending $5000-$10000 on a particular “gurus” mentoring or coaching program to be a better use of funds than spending it on a college education, paying the mortgage, or food
9) You use the term “guru” regularily
10) You spend more time in Internet Marketing discussion forums than you do in your own living room
11) You believe there are ebooks available that are actually worth $97, especially yours
12) All of your products are priced ending in 7 rather than 9
13) You have a spiral-bound notebook to keep track of all your UserIDs and passwords
14) You think “Winepress” is a new type of blogging software
15) Your spouse tells you in the morning that you kept uttering the word “downline” in your sleep
16) All your “friends” on MySpace are Internet Marketers
17) You don’t see the irony of the words “bum” and “marketing” appearing in the same sentence
18) You have the Paypal customer support number assigned to the “1″ button on your speed dial
19) You believe people actually read every word of those mile-long columnar sales pages
20) Your family and friends suggest that you are becoming obsessive/compulsive with this Internet Marketing “thing”. You spend the next 3 days developing an “Obsessive/Compulsive Internet Marketer’s” niche site with AdSense.
21) Unlike most people in the world, you use the word “viral” in a positive context
22) When your teenager comes home from school, he tells you he made the JV team. You ask him what his product is.
23) You believe firmly that your products are worth $97, $197, $297, or more, but you constantly ask others where you can buy a domain name for $1
24) You think “I want to make money” represents a legitimate business plan
25) When you woke up this morning, your spouse reminded you that today is your 8-year old’s 10th birthday
26) You think a Pop Tart is a new kind of floating ad
27) A month or more passes before you notice that your spouse has packed up the kids and moved out
28) You celebrate the freedom that running your own IM business from your home gives you, while you sit at your computer for 80+ hours a week
29) And finally, you understood more the 80% of the above
You might just be an Internet Marketer.
I hope you enjoyed a short break while you read these little ditties. Now get back to work and sell something!
Ray has a 30+ career in the Computer (IT) field. He has been a Systems Analyst, DB and Network Administrator, Website Project Manager, IT Architect and Director of IT. Ray has run a number of successful online businesses. He is also the author of several books.
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