After spending some time recently evaluating and trying to come to
terms with understanding the facts of my own experiences of having
the eating disorders anorexia and particularly bulimia I have come to
the conclusion of one aspect of the whole thing and it is something
which I have never been able to comprehend before now. This is a
point of which I do feel is dismissed, ignored or most likely to be
yet unrealized by those people who we refer to as being the
`victims'
of these disorders. What is that? Well, after some recent experiences
of my own I have concluded that people who have eating disorders are
in fact not `victims' of this so called `illness' and
to label them
as being `victims' or `sufferers only succeeds in robbing
them of the
fact that they do have their own free will to choose whether they
engage in practicing such eating behaviors or not.
You must understand that any person who has an eating disorder
thrives on the idea that they are victim because it indirectly gives
them less responsibility of dealing with their problem, allowing them
to carry on feeling sorry for themselves. This is all they need to
avoid facing the reality of the whole situation that in the end,
regardless of any other underlying problems that exist, that they do
in fact choose whether or not they wish to have an eating disorder or
not and this is a critical factor which will determine whether that
person will continue to subject themselves to the horrors of such
habits or not.
My words here might sound severe or unsympathetic, but I did go
through all of this myself and I know exactly how horrific and
difficult it can be to get out of the patterns of an eating disorder.
What I know from it all is that someone with an eating disorder will
do anything in their power to avoid not dealing with and even
accepting it, even if they realize it or not. Also, what happens is
that it becomes so normal to you that it becomes a lifestyle and it
is difficult to see and admit the real extent of what you are
actually doing to yourself when you are caught up in all the
confusion.
I know only too well how difficult it is to understand why we feel
inclined to keep punishing ourselves with these eating disorders.
Even for someone who is at the `tail end' of their eating
disorder,
or in other words, someone who has almost finished their healing
process might feel as if they are stuck between two worlds of not
knowing if they still do have an eating disorder or if they are free
of it all. Certainly, in my own case this has what has been going on
in my own life recently and I have realized that to be cured of this
does not mean simply stopping the behaviours, it is in fact a
psychological `state of mind'. For me it seems to be that my
own
state of mind after spending years of thinking and feeling the same
way about myself, my body and food has returned to being balanced, as
it was before I begun developing the eating disorders in the first
place. This is all very well, but lately there seemed to be a small
part of me that wanted to cling onto the fact that I am a
`victim' of
an eating disorder.
Why is that? Well, perhaps it is out of fear of letting myself go and
handling the responsibility of investing some real love, attention
and care towards myself which is something I have never ever done in
my life before. Maybe it was a lack of discipline when it came to the
point of always watching my eating habits and patterns, or maybe I
just watched my eating too much which always reminds me that, yes, I
was bulimic and I must be careful not to fall into the same old trap
again! Or it might have been because I have been programmed
subconsciously to think self-degrading thoughts for so long that they
still enter my mind.
It might be one or all of those factors, but in the end it
doesn't
really matter, as long as we are aware of the fact and realize that
in the end we do have the choice of whether we want to have an eating
disorder or not and regardless of any help, advice, attention,
sympathy, therapy or medical assistance we receive it is still our
responsibility to deal with it in the end. It is obviously necessary
to receive some guidance to show you the way out of your situation
but the last step of releasing yourself from this is your own
conscious choice to carry on living this way or not and nobody else
can make that decision for you.
In past articles I have referred to an eating disorder as an illness
and referred to the person who has it as being the victim and
sufferer, but now after what I have learnt lately, I can see that by
categorizing the people who have eating disorders and their typical
habits in this way only puts a limitation upon their ability to heal
themselves and creates an indirect excuse for them not to take full
conscious choices to heal their problems.
Anyone reading this who actually does have an eating disorder,
particularly bulimia, might argue here by stating that when they are
in `binge and purge' mode that they are helpless with their
compulsion and that they feel out of control when they are going
through the whole binge episode. I do agree and completely understand
because I have been through those experiences so many times myself.
However, in the end these habits do arise as the result of some
deeper problems and had these problems been dealt with accordingly
prior to the development of the eating disorder then we would never
have had the inclination to engage in such eating behaviours in the
first place. An eating disorder is only the result of lingering
problems from previous experiences in our lives that are either left
unrealized of simply just have not yet been dealt with.
Having an eating disorder is very difficult to understand and it can
be hard to see the true light of it all when you are the one who is
caught up in the middle of it all because your mind is in a whirl of
confusion. In one way I personally felt very sad to be living with
the thoughts I have lately where I questioned the fact if I was
really clear and healed of my eating disorder or not. However, I do
appreciate the experience at the same time because I have learnt the
most valuable lesson I have ever learnt from my years of experiencing
bulimia and anorexia.
The lesson for me was that we are never ever really victims of
anything, we do have the choice in the end of whether we choose to
exist within one experience like this or not, regardless of the
extent of the circumstances surrounding it. I had the choice in my
hand and it would have been easier for me to carry on with my life in
a way of having bulimic habits than what was to fight the temptation
to binge and purge. However, by having that situation in my face has
allowed me to realize the choices we do have in light of it all. The
main thing I am trying to say here is that people with eating
disorders should never be labeled as being victims, they are not.
This is all they need to avoid facing the facts that in the end it is
their own choice to heal them selves or to carry on with living with
habits of an eating disorder.
That's life and the fact that we have free will to choose our own
life direction, destiny, fate or however you'd like it refer to
it,
it not applicable in certain circumstances, it stands in all cases.
There is no real excuse for this behaviour in the end. No one should
have to live in this way under any circumstances, particularly the
ones in which you create for yourself. Happiness is a state of mind,
health is a state of mind and if we are unable to comprehend this
then how can we ever expect to be happy with any of the circumstances
that are presented before us in life, just think about it!
About the Author:
Ashleigh is a keen writer and is involved in writing for an internet
web site called `The Free Spirit Centre'. This site is
focused primarily on healing, personal growth and `human'
issues.
Her contribution to the site is by means of her writing articles
based on her own life experiences and by some editing of the other
writers work. Visit her site at www.freespiritcentre.info or e-mail
at ashleighstewart2003@...