The greatest asset we have in human existence is our soul growth,
but somehow we have that confused with becoming powerful. Power does
not bring growth unless we understand the essence of sharing that
power.
The struggle for power is a main characteristic in basically all of
our relationships. The main types of relationships I recognize and
have categorized into three main groups for you are work
relationships, family relationships, and emotional relationships.
The way I can understand and relate to when it comes to our
relationships is as follows, a relationship is basically the
cooperation between any two people, on whatever level they are
working on. Very simple, yet it's apparently very hard for most
of
us to deal with in our lives.
In many instances as we can see, cooperation between those people
involved in the relationship tends to exist as a power struggle, in
terms of who will succeed in gaining control or domination over the
other person in order to meet their own needs or requirements. In
such a case, the dominant one is losing his or her growth and in
effect, the victim is achieving the growth of both people involved
in that relationship. What do I mean by that? Think about it! We do
obtain a greater amount of grow in experiencing a bad situation.
When you are the abuser, it is a likely case that in reality, you do
not understand yourself what you are doing. Many of the people who
have been a victim of abuse are carrying the burden of a situation
or circumstance they grew up in, in terms of being abused. They
might not have been granted any chance to learn how to understand,
accept, and deal with this experience of being abused. In effect,
they do not know any better, but at the same time they are going
backward in their own life until they begin to understand the
experience and their lesson fully. Unfortunately for those who are
being or have been abused, this is a process of which they had to go
through. In some instances it is part of Karma, but the lesson to be
learnt here is how to handle the situation and get out of it without
being hurt and having a deeper scar than that intended in the first
place. In this case the abuser will gain much more in their
understanding of the experience unless, of course, they choose not
to learn their lesson. I would like to put this into perspective
because in certain situations where the abuser has become accustomed
to being abused and complaining about his/her situation, it is
eventually taken for granted as being an easy way of bringing
attention to themselves and to gain sympathy from others. However,
that will eventually lead to becoming a pattern and a vicious
circle. We can choose to either complain as much we like about our
situation or we can do something to try to improve it. It is up to
you to be the judge in your own situation. At the end of the day, we
do have the power to do improve our lives and achieve our growth it
is not up to anyone else to change that.
Have we ever wondered why we feel the need to control our partner?
If this is the case, why are we in the relationship in the first
place? Are we trying to prove something to ourselves, in order to
fill the gap of something that is lacking? Perhaps we need that
extra confidence that we think we are achieving when we are in
control of someone else's life, making him or her feel insecure
as a
result of that domination. I believe there are many possible reasons
and many questions and their answers come from the need to look to
our inner selves in the first place.
In many relationships of our time and from what we can see with the
people in our surroundings, we become able to evaluate the way they
respond to conflicts or harsher situations in their lives. The
initial response and what appears to be an `easy escape' is
that we
always tend to shift the blame to the other person involved and
claim we have nothing to do with the incident in the first place. We
like to proclaim that he or she was manipulating our weakness or our
self-confidence and used it as a weapon against us. This may be the
case, but we do have responsibility for ourselves and should NOT
allow for such treatment to take place.
One thing I personally cannot understand is why we allow our
emotions to overpower our rational mind when the people around us
who really do care are constantly reminding us we should leave the
situation that is bringing us pain and hurting, but we choose not to
listen to anyone. Many people have told me "it is easier said
than
done!' I don't think so! When we are in any situation where
we can
see no apparent opportunity of growth in that relationship, but we
choose to stay anyway even though we are being hurt in the process,
well, there is no excuse! Sometimes we are afraid of leaving, this
may well be the case, but we need to find out why we are afraid and
what it is exactly we are afraid of. That might help!!!
It is apparent to me that on most occasions our pride and ego are
taking the best out of us in terms of accepting humility, which is
essential sometimes and will enable us to put our life back in order
when we see the truth from a different perspective. When we are able
to drop the ego and pride, we do see the situation in a whole new
light. There is nothing wrong in being humiliated from time to time
and when necessary because that will build up our self-confidence to
move forward in life with a new understanding and awareness in light
of the situation.
Another problem that I feel occurs frequently when dealing with
relationships is that we always seem to have a hard time in letting
go of the previous experience we passed through. The `letting
go' is
an essential factor here and must be fulfilled in order to allow any
new experience to take effect in our lives. In reality we will never
go backwards in life unless we allow it to happen. The choice is in
our own hand. Letting go is the most important factor of our growth
and we must learn to master the art of `letting go' to break
ourselves free by accepting the experience as being just an
experience for what it really is, and most importantly, without
keeping any bitterness in our hearts which can take control in our
next relationship.
The only way we can move on and allow new opportunities for growth
to come into our life is by investing in our next relationship
instead of withdrawing due to us being afraid of getting hurt. That
thought alone will bring the experience to you because you are
asking for it in the first place. Whatever we project will become
our own reality. It is about time that we stop and take a moment to
look to our lives from a totally different and detached perspective,
especially when we see things are still happening in the same way
year after year. Haven't you asked yourself the question yet? Why
am
I stagnating in my life?
You hold the answers to any question you have. Isn't it time to
start looking in a different way when it comes to our relationships?
If you think you are happy so far in your relationships, yet, you
still find means to complain then you really are not happy. Try to
introduce the word "change" as a part of your vocabulary!
Trust me
our only mystery in life is in learning to understand ourselves. We
are tough when it comes to dealing with ourselves, but why? We try
to create an image, in fact, in most cases, a fake image of how we
would like people to see us for what we are on the outside but in
reality we are dying from the inside. What is it that we are hoping
to achieve from this? It seems the result is usually always at our
own expense! Look at your life and try to bring yourself back down
to earth to enable yourself to evaluate your life accordingly.
On a final note, being in relationship with no depth of
communication between the two souls involved is rather like not
being in a relationship at all! I would like you to take a look
around one day when you are in a restaurant. Observe the people
around you, particularly those who are in as a couple. Of, course
they are sharing the same table, but each individual might seem to
be `somewhere else' in their own thoughts and with no
exchange of
conversation except perhaps "how is your food dear?" Is that
really
a true relationship? Maybe in some peoples opinion, but I do not
think so. The way we have been taught and how we have become used to
evaluating our relationships in many cases is wrong and is an
example that seems to mislead us into following inaccurate examples.
About the Author:
At the age of eight Joseph discovered his clairvoyance. Joseph is
natural medium presently teaching meditation, numerology and
healing.
Joseph started the `Free Spirit Centre' website at
http://www.freespiritcentre.info. A community web based centre
dedicated to personal growth, soul growth, eating disorders,
relationships, healing and human issues. E-mail:
josephghabi@...