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Sometimes the best way to learn is from other's mistakes.
Especially others who may now be living a life you want.
This week I interviewed clients who are now in loving relation-
ships about their worst dating mistakes as singles. Then I
added some of my own dating mistakes to the list.
These are the kind of mistakes that seem obvious when you
look back, but are completely invisible when you are in the
thick of things. Hopefully this list will help you avoid making
these mistakes yourself.
10 Worst Dating Mistakes Made by Singles, Part I
1. Hiding who you are to fit into a relationship
Hiding who you are takes a ton of energy to maintain. You can
only suppress your emotions, reactions and needs for so long.
Eventually, and sooner rather than later, who you are will start
showing up and shocking the person you are with.
Looking back, once you are in a loving relationship, you will
realize that: You started to be able to attract your right partner
precisely when you decided you were good enough to never
hide again.
2. Confusing the trappings of love for real love
Trappings of love can be frequent phone calls, wanting to see
you and be with you, flowers, cards, compliments, poems,
over the top attention, etc. All of these are the stuff associated
with love. All of these may make you feel loved and wanted, as
if you found the right mate.
Looking back, once you are in a loving relationship, you will
realize that: These trappings did not necessarily mean the
person was in love with you. These are simply a few ways
people express like, desire, attraction, and yes, love. These
are also ways people behave out of habit, to be nice, to be
liked, because they think they should, because they get
caught up in the moment. Real love shows itself in more
powerful ways, such as friendship, support, acceptance
and communications and uses the trappings of love as the
icing on the cake.
3. Blaming relationship mishaps on the other person
Have you ever done this one? The relationship goes south,
there is a bad argument or even a breakup, and all you can
see is the other person caused the problem.
Looking back, once you are in a loving relationship, you will
realize that: You play a 50% or more role in everything that
happens in the relationship. You play this role either actively
by choices you make or passively by choices you fail to make.
4. Not allowing time to heal between relationships
Ok, so you are out of a relationship. You hate being alone,
you hurt. You hate not having someone to share your life with.
You find a new person and get into a relationship. But are you
available to love a new person? Are you ready for a new relation-
ship?
Looking back, once you are in a loving relationship, you will
realize that: Love deserves grieving and you deserve time to
learn from a failed relationship. You will realize being alone is not
a punishment nor is it torture. It is a gift of getting to know yourself.
And you will realize your ability to be alone is what gives you the
strength to create a loving relationship.
5. Attraction means you are meant to be together
You feel attracted, drawn to someone and he or she to you. The
relationship is obviously meant to be. Especially so if there many
commonalities between the two of you. More so if you were brought
together in a unusual, meant to be sort of way.
Looking back, once you are in a loving relationship, you will realize
that: These encounters were meant to be, alright, but not necessarily
in a way you thought. Most times, such encounters bring lessons,
not loving relationships. True love more often than not reveals the
meant to be aspect when you no longer need the evidence.
Look for Part II of this article on www.WhatItTakes.com
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This article was originally published by Coach Rinatta Paries in
The Relationship Coach Newsletter, a weekly e-zine for people
who want fulfilling relationships. For singles, the newsletter will
help you attract your Mr. or Ms. Right. If you're in a relation-
ship, learn to create much more closeness and intimacy with
your mate. To subscribe, go to http://www.WhatItTakes.com
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